Episode 1
Right!
What a great way to start a post! But I can assure you - much better still than my live videos of episode 0 and episode 1!
(available on my Instagram — yes, the one with an ugly mug)
On that note, I will improve my videos with time - some structure is needed to keep them short without much wittering, and we want more views and nature, too, don't we?
So the controlled blabber can be accessed here - on my website - as a diary.
In Episode 1, and on day 2 of my new journey, I am going to share with you what happened and how I found myself in this situation.
In the next episode, I will tell you where we are going.
We? YES - you and me, because I am taking you on this journey.
Why? Two reasons:
Selfish: I don't want to be alone on this journey
Selfless: I do not want you to be alone if you are going through an awful time.
Okay, let's get on with it, then!
What happened:
I had a mental breakdown.
My physical health worsened, severely affecting my family's health out of worry.
Eventually, I lost the life I had.
How I found myself in this situation:
Four years ago, I changed the line of my work within a similar profession. The bullying started because I did not fit in - I was different. I challenged inappropriate behaviour when I saw my colleagues discriminated against because they were different (think visible disabilities and neurodiversity).
I also challenged inappropriate sexual behaviours. This resulted in me being bullied and persecuted for almost four years. I had a job loan, house and family to care for and could not leave or jeopardise my job in any way - plus the pandemic.
During this time, I often ended up off-sick for stress, and my health was getting worse, with my body failing in a weird and scary way. From being a long-distance runner and adventurer, I ended up bed- and sofa-bound for enough time to decondition my muscles. This caused my other conditions to get worse. A vicious circle began.
The constant stress of being bullied and harassed, trauma and failing body also took a toll on my family. My dearest had a heart incident and heart surgery. Things at work were not getting better. Our health reached rock bottom.
My body gave way recently, and I fell down the stairs, luckily only injuring my leg - but it could result in something worse. This started to become unsafe for me and has been dangerous to my family - I cannot risk losing my loved one.
Living with severe autism and ADHD is tough - and caring and being cared for when a family is neurodivergent is beautiful but can be challenging, especially in a state of being persecuted for four years. Love means tough decisions. Selfless decisions.
So, here I am.
I lost my family - as it was. My mental and physical health is in smithereens. I cannot afford a place on my own.
I need to get rid of all my possessions, and find a place and a way to live that will fit my disabilities, vulnerabilities and my wallet.
If you are in a similar position or struggling because of completely different reasons - you are not alone. You have more strength within yourself then you know.
So please, please bear with me.
The grief and fear I feel now are immense and devastating.
But also liberating.
What mindset are you going to choose?
There is always a choice and hope.
I chose hope. Hope and determination to rebuild my life.
I chose to treat it as a new journey and adventure.
With love,
Dee
It is normal and okay to feel extreme emotions - especially if you are neurodivergent.
But if you feel you are on edge - don't wait and speak with someone.
Contact Samaritans if you do not want to or cannot speak with family or friends.
You can call them in UK on 116 123, or access through the website via online chat or email or even text: SHOUT to 85258
You can also find help and support on Uk Charity Website MIND:
Stay Safe - Stay Well
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